Why Are You Pushing My Buttons?

How can we then improve our ability to evaluate ourselves for the purpose of self-improvement?  One approach has to do understanding the concept of “button pushing”.  In other words this concept refers to the point at which an individual becomes defensive or protective when encountering information about themselves that is inconsistent with their self-concept or when encountering pressure to alter their behavior.  When individuals are threatened, when they encounter uncomfortable information, or when uncertainty is created, they tend to become rigid (Staw, Sandelands, & Dutton, 1981; Weick, 1993).  They hunker down, protect themselves, and become risk averse.  They tend to redouble their efforts to protect what is comfortable and familiar.

In light of this defensiveness, then, how can increased self-knowledge and personal change ever occur?  There are two approaches.  The first has to do with information that is verifiable, predictable, and controllable is less likely to cross into defensive or protective actions.  If an individual can test the validity of the discrepant information, if the information is not unexpected, and if there is some control over what, when, and how much information is revealed, the feedback is more likely to be heard and accepted.

A second answer lies in the role other people can play in helping insight to occur.  It is almost impossible to increase skill in self-awareness unless we interact with and disclose ourselves to others.  Unless one is willing to open up to others, to discuss aspects of the self that seem ambiguous or unknown, little growth can ever occur.

Self-disclosure, therefore, is a key to improvement in self-awareness.  Harris (1981) points out:

Our self-reflection in a mirror does not tell us what we are like; only our reflection in other people.  We are essentially social creatures, and our personality resides in association, not in isolation.

From a theological perspective the same could be said.  Our self-reflection against the Creator tells us our true weaknesses and gives us an opportunity to assimilate the better.

In my next discussion I will explore important areas of self-awareness.